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Jokes & Quotes For Christians... WELCOME, and thank you for visiting the Christian Jokes site. It

It has been a long time coming, but here is what you've been waiting for... Yes, there are over 60 new Christian jokes, quotes, etc... Also, I would like to thank all of you who continue to support the site by visiting it... It has been a pleasure providing such a home in which Christians can feel safe while online... On that note, sit back and do remember, laughter is good for one's soul... Have a blessed day... Mr. Africa - August 9, 2008

THE DEAD CHURCH
A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the
members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local
newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent
Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.

Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed
coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his
congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly
lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a
guilty, sheepish look.

In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.

THE ARMY OF THE LORD
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door
as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't "see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

THREE HYMNS
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the
people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the
most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a
$1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and
said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

And there sat our Rosie all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to
the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so
much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in
the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"

THE CLEANING WOMAN
There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at
the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told
him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church.

The pastor thought to himself, "oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are
not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her." He told her that
she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.

The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still
wanted to be baptized. "I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to
become a member."

Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the
restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he
approached her and said, "I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?"

"Oh, yes," she said. "I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of
your church."

"He did?" said the pastor.

"Oh, yes" she replied. "He said even He hasn't been able to get into your church yet, and He's been
trying for years."


MEN IN HEAVEN-WHO IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD
At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven,
God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines.
One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households.
The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives."

God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

The women left and the men formed two lines.
The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending.
The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.

God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed or yourselves.
I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you were disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose.
Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed me. Learn from him."

Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

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